Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
