omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
