I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
