So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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