You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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