I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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