Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize