This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
