i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
