Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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