i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
