We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
