dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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