Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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