my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
