..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
