We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
