We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
