I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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