You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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