pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
