great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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