How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
