it was like his penis was on wheels.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
