btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
