let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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