Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
PANTIES FOUND
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