party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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