she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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