if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
