like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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