I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
