So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
