Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
