every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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