I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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