I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
