how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
