dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
