My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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