Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize