8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
