I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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