You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
