Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
