Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
