I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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