Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just blew my weed a kiss
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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