Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
