my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
