Already got asked if we're dating
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
