Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
