you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
