my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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