Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
