It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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