yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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