Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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