just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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