We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
