My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I won the penis lottery.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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