Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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