Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
