textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
