I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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