I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
