My room smells like vodka and shame
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
