we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i've created a new STD.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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