I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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