So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
