Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize