If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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