it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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