Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry my hands just texted you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
