My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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