did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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